• kaylacollingwood

Brave


People often compliment my bravery/courage/tenacity/etc. I say thank you, but I'm usually thinking "if only you knew!".

The truth is, I am really not a brave person. I'm a big chicken. I'm terrified of roller coasters, Ferris wheels, heights in many cases, swimming anywhere that is not a swimming pool, etc. I avoid doing things that terrify me, unless I think the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks.

I'm also a terrible decision-maker, when it comes to the small things, like deciding what to buy at the supermarket. But when I do make a decision, I have completely weighed up the positives and negatives, which does bode well for the bigger choices. And I make those bigger decisions, but that doesn't mean it doesn't absolutely terrify me. Before taking up a degree in opera singing, I was terrified. I did it anyway. Before moving cities. Before moving countries. Before changing jobs. And so on.

I also have a big problem with trusting other people. Many times when I HAVE listened, I regret taking the advice. I trust my own gut feeling a lot more than I trust anything other people tell me. I don't know why I'm like that. I think there is just so much noise and people have so many opinions and it is deafening. Apologies in advance.

These general life difficulties also translate into my musings on my faith: I detest it when people use the name of God for things which aren't necessarily anything to do with Him. Free will is a thing, as are consequences for actions and natural laws of the universe (which generally tick along without interference - God is efficient).

The one thing I do have is Him Himself; anytime I find myself completely disillusioned with the future, life, people, etc., I find that there is some kind of reminder that comes along, which I just know is a little thing meant to keep me going. Today it is a Bible verse: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand" - Isaiah 41:10 (HCSB).

Maybe through continuing to grow in God I'll get better at the other things. Or maybe I have such difficulty with those things because God IS the only one who is completely dependable.

In Christ Alone - written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This Cornerstone, this solid ground Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My Comforter, my All in All Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh Fullness of God in helpless babe This gift of love and righteousness Scorned by the ones He came to save 'Til on that cross as Jesus died The wrath of God was satisfied For every sin on Him was laid Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain Then bursting forth in glorious Day Up from the grave He rose again And as He stands in victory Sin's curse has lost its grip on me For I am His and He is mine Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death This is the power of Christ in me From life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny No power of hell, no scheme of man Can ever pluck me from His hand Till He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I'll stand


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© 2020 by Kayla Collingwood

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