People often compliment my bravery/courage/tenacity/etc. I say thank you, but I'm usually thinking "if only you knew!".
The truth is, I am really not a brave person. I'm a big chicken. I'm terrified of roller coasters, Ferris wheels, heights in many cases, swimming anywhere that is not a swimming pool, etc. I avoid doing things that terrify me, unless I think the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks.
I'm also a terrible decision-maker, when it comes to the small things, like deciding what to buy at the supermarket. But when I do make a decision, I have completely weighed up the positives and negatives, which does bode well for the bigger choices. And I make those bigger decisions, but that doesn't mean it doesn't absolutely terrify me. Before taking up a degree in opera singing, I was terrified. I did it anyway. Before moving cities. Before moving countries. Before changing jobs. And so on.
I also have a big problem with trusting other people. Many times when I HAVE listened, I regret taking the advice. I trust my own gut feeling a lot more than I trust anything other people tell me. I don't know why I'm like that. I think there is just so much noise and people have so many opinions and it is deafening. Apologies in advance.
These general life difficulties also translate into my musings on my faith: I detest it when people use the name of God for things which aren't necessarily anything to do with Him. Free will is a thing, as are consequences for actions and natural laws of the universe (which generally tick along without interference - God is efficient).
The one thing I do have is Him Himself; anytime I find myself completely disillusioned with the future, life, people, etc., I find that there is some kind of reminder that comes along, which I just know is a little thing meant to keep me going. Today it is a Bible verse: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand" - Isaiah 41:10 (HCSB).
Maybe through continuing to grow in God I'll get better at the other things. Or maybe I have such difficulty with those things because God IS the only one who is completely dependable.
In Christ Alone - written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand